Jewsnews Jewn/Jewly 2006

Greetings to all our fans,

First off apologies for all procrastinations and prevarications and, yes, there have been peregrinations -- the Jews Brothers' three Ps -- but we just didn't tell most of you about them. (You don't want to know...)

And no, you haven't fallen off the Jews News e-mailing list, nor did we fall off the planet, though we have been thinking about it the way things are going in the world today. Some more localised lists did get their own Jews News Flash.

Otherwise it's been shtumm from the Jewsbros. So now we'll try to give you a brief summary and bring you up to speed ... We are taking a sabbatical from our usual European summer tour because of a CREATIVE PROJECT which is taking up a lot of our time -- but more about that later.

R E C E N T W A N D E R I N G S I N O Z A N D T H E S O U T H I S L A N D_____

In March this year, the band travelled to Australia, and with some Australian reinforcement -- mostly in the shape of Blue Mountains resident and Jewsbro Neill Duncan -- performed at the very popular National Folk Festival in Canberra as well as doing other gigs in Sydney and Katoomba. They loved us in Canberra where, at just four performances, we played to over 5,000 people.

Immediately after this, the band did a South Island tour, playing in Oamaru at the Penguin Club, Al's Bar in Christchurch, The Harbourlight in Lyttelton and the fabulous AKAROA FRENCH FEST, which saw French Toast also doing their thing in a huge marquee with hay bales for seats and a large dancefloor where we had them up and doing circle dances and swing, right from the first tune.

It was wonderfuel!

U P C O M I N G E V E N T S F O R T H E B R O S_____

JUNE

Saturday 24th June at 12 noon -- Jazz in June Festival, Copthorne Hotel Omapere, South Hokianga

JULY

Saturday 22nd July at 6:30pm -- Klezmania - the Auckland Jewish Festival, Mt. Albert Community Centre -- for more details visit http://www.kadimah.school.co.nz

Sunday 23rd July at 3pm -- Rakinos, High Street, Auckland City

-- at both of these performances we will be performing with klezmer colleagues from Wellington, the Klezmer Rebs, it’s sure to be a gas.

AUGUST

Friday 18th August at 8pm -- Reva's on the Waterfront, Whangarei

Saturday 19th August at 8pm-- French Toast perform Revas on the Waterfront, Whangarei

Sunday 20th August at 4pm -- Sawmill Cafe, Leigh

And ... talking about French Toast, here's a goodie for the folks in Canterbury:

FRENCH TOAST at the CABARET FEST
CHRISTCHURCH FESTIVAL of THE ARTS

Thursday 13th July at 6pm -- Christchurch Art Gallery

Friday 14th July at 6pm -- Bastille Night at the Art Gallery

L I N N L O R K I N ‘ S K I W I A N A_____

This is the CREATIVE PROJECT mentioned above. We are hard at it making an album with 12 of Linn's kiwiana songs. Expected release date some time in September -- keep your eyes skinned on your emailbox.

Meanwhile, there’ll be a sneak preview this coming Sunday -- 25th June -- at the Bunker, Mt. Victoria, Devonport at 8pm with Linn on the Bunker piano, freshly tuned and polished, and Hershal on accordion and BVs (backing vocals), joined by Anna Rugis, BV singer extraordinaire and co-producer of the forthcoming album. Admission just $10.

M O R E A N T I D O T E S T O T H A T C H I L L_____

You may not be aware that ALL Rouge Records artists are willing and able to do private parties ... How about getting 'em up dancing at your next birthday bash with the Jews Brothers Band!

Or for a more intimate continental theme, French Toast could be the perfect strolling trio for your next soirée.

To find out what French Toast can offer visit http://www.frenchtoast.rouge.co.nz

And of course for the Jews Bros it's http://www.jewsbrothers.com

Thanks and that's all for now,

Linn, Hershal, the Jews Brothers Band and all the Rouge team

..... but wait ... there's more ... we almost forgot the Jewish joke! What would Jews News be without the obligatory Jewish joe. Would you ever forgive us dear reader! (rhetorical question, answers on a postcard)

J E W I S H J O K E T I M E_____

Now, for your favourite part of Jews News...

Kosher Millionaire

You have been selected to play "So You Wouldn't Mind Being a Kosher Millionaire ... You Should Only Live So Long." You have three lifelines to help you, as follows:

1. You may call a Rabbi for his opinion.

2. You may ask the congregation for its opinion.

3. You may consider your spouse's opinion ... or not.

Bonus lifeline! Whether you ask for it or not, your mother will give you her opinion. Okay, let's play...

for $100
Q. What is the name of the Russian Space Station that crashed and burned on
re-entry?
A. Oy Vey Is Mir

for $200
Q. How does a Jewish woman call her family to dinner?
A. "All right, everybody get in the car"

for $500
Q. What is Israel's favorite Internet provider?
A. Netanyahoo

for $1,000
Q. What is the name of a facial lotion made for Jewish women?
A. Oil of Oy Vey

for $2,000
Q. What is the title of the new horror film for Jewish women?
A. Sadie Does Windows

for $4,000
Q. What is the technical term for a Jewish woman who catches her husband in
the act with his secretary?
A. The Plaintiff

for $8,000
Q. How does a Jewish kid verbally abuse his playmates?
A. "Nyah, nyah, your mother pays retail"

for $16,000
Q. In the Jewish doctrine, when does the fetus become human?
A. When it graduates from medical school

for $32,000
Q. What do Jewish women do to keep their hands soft and nails long and
beautiful?
A. Nothing

for $64,000
Q. Define the word "genius"
A. A "C" student with a Jewish mother

for $125,000
Q. How do you know when a Jewish woman is about to have an orgasm?
A. She puts down her nail file

for $250,000
Q. When should a moyel retire?
A. When he can't cut it any more

for $500,000
Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A. A fur coat

and finally, for $1,000,000
Q. What is the difference between a Jewish grandmother and an Italian
grandmother?
A. The accent

Oy!

Shalom already,
Linn, Hershal, the Jews Brothers Band and all the Rouge team