JEWS NEWS JEWN JEWLY 2011
A top 'o the mornin' to ya,
It's that time again ... June 16th! The day that the world's most famous ""wandering Jew" Leopold Bloom sets out on his odyssey around Dublin and Auckland in search of love, music, adventure and lost hope before he returns home to his faithless "Penelope"!
Along the way he encounters: the luscious Irish "Siren" Gertie McDowell, The Jews Brothers Band, with whom he fulfills momentary fantasies of performing klezmer music, and the infamous dominatrix and recently-turned-transvestite Bella Cohen, aka Helen of Troy, aka Helen of New York, formerly Helen of Wellington with whom he attempts to perform other fantasies. (But this time fails miserably ... he can't even get his instrument in tune and who could blame him? ... with HELEN !?!). And there are other surprises ahead: an opera singer, a barbershop quartet, a raving Irish Patriot "Cyclops", and performers from Naples, London, Japan, Dublin, Barcelona and even Grey Lynn. Finally the magnificent Molly Bloom leads the whole shebang to the exciting climax of our extravaganza, sans that poor schlemiel Leopold!
Don't miss this night :
BLOOMSDAY, The Celebration of James Joyce's "Ulysses", THURSDAY, JUNE 16
The THIRSTY DOG Irish Tavern, 469 Karangahape Rd.
WITH: Farrell Cleary, Yuko Takahashi, Joe Carolan, Bruce Hopkins, Brian Keegan, Robyn Malcolm, The Danny Boys, Chris Trotter. Linn Lorkin, Hershal Herscher, Peter Scott, The Jews Brothers Band (feat.Nigel Gavin & Walter Bianco) and a script by Dean Parker.
Door charge: $20. Door sales only. Begins 7:30 sharp! (Don't be late!)
(If you are coming from Ponsonby, as we guess most of you will, it's on your left just before the bus stop/overpass).
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We also have another special performance to announce.
It's a concert at the old Mt. Eden Village Hall and is presented by Village Music which has been running some very successful gigs there. It's a great old venue, not very large (only seats about 100 or so people), so the audience and the musicians can really feel relaxed and everyone is connected to the performance.
It's a combined concert, the JBB & "Beyondsemble"
Beyondsemble is an exciting new four-piece formed by multi-instrumentalist Craig Denham. It features the virtuoso violinist Jessica Hindin and is a brilliant melange of eclectic influences, rooted in swinging "Hot Club" rhythms. It will be a real Battle of the Bands! Don't miss out!
FRIDAY NIGHT SOIREE
THE JEWS BROTHERS BAND and BEYONDSEMBLE
Friday July 1st, 8pm,
Old Mt.Eden Methodist Hall
Ngauruhoe Street
Mt. Eden
$30 Door sales 7.30 pm
Purchase on-line www.villagemusic.co.nz
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We'd also like to announce that our French Toast chanson trio is now performing regularly every Thursday evening 7pm - 9pm at the magnifique La Cantine, 265 Ponsonby Rd (at Three Lamps). Delicious authentic French traditional dishes like cassoulet and boeuf "burgweenyon" (as they say in Auckland), a blackboard menu du jour which changes daily and a speciality of crepes and galettes. It's warm, cosy and sympathique inside and if it's not too cold you can sit out at a little table on the side-walk and it's just like being at a Rive Gauche café, especially while you're listening to French Toast! (We will of course not be there on Bloomsday night, which is the Thursday after you all receive this newsletter). BUT, on Bastille Night which just happens to fall on a Thursday, this July 14th, we'll be there with bells on! So, don't mees eet ... 'allo 'allo !
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And also looking ahead to JEWLY, Linn Lorkin will be doing one more of her (now rare) piano bar gigs, Linn Lorkin & the Larrikins, at Cafe One-2-One, 121 P Rd on July 8th, 8pm - 11pm. She's off to Edinburgh Fringe and to New York very soon thereafter, so come and hear her doing her thing at the piano! More about the show she's taking to Edinburgh in our next newsletter.
Shalom.
Hersh 'n' Linn
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AND NOW, the section you've all been waiting for: JEWISH JOKE TIME:
Sadie Cohen lived in a diverse neighborhood on Long Island. Her neighbour was a very generous black woman who stopped in one Saturday and asked, "Mrs Cohen, I have to go into the City this afternoon to meet my daughter; can I get you anything?"
Mrs Cohen thanked her and exclaimed, "Listen, I have a commuter ticket for the train that I don't use on Saturday. Why don't you use my ticket and you'll bring it back tonight. After all, it's all paid for why should you pay extra."
The neighbour thanked her, and later got on the train. As the conductor came through the train, he happened to glance at the ticket and noticed the name "Sadie Cohen."
"Excuse me madam, are you Sadie Cohen, the person whose name appears on this ticket?"
The woman smiled sweetly and nodded her head affirmatively.
A little suspicious, the conductor asked, "Would you let me compare signatures - would you please sign your name?"
The black lady turned indignantly and snapped, "Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbas?"
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A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her."
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And finally an oldie but a goodie:
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that
all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community,
so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate
with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy;
if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi
to represent them in the debate.
However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian,
and the Pope spoke no Yiddish,
they agreed that it would be a 'silent' (sign-language) debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten
and said that the rabbi was too clever for him.
The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.
He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me
there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.
The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground
to show that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins,
and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.
He bested me at every move and I could not continue.'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.
'I haven't a clue,' said the rabbi.
'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy,
so I gave him the finger.
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews
and I told him that we were staying right here.
'And then what?' asked a woman.
'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'